MO' CHANCE
Life is funny, ain't it?
When the laughter gets thin and hollow, we have to take a chance and stir it up. Kick a door in. Newton's body in motion.
A local authority holds a monthly meeting for their board of directors, the old soft shoe to share their recent successes and bright futures. At the end of the meeting, there is time allotted, 3 minutes, for the public to chime in with their opinion.
Having sat in these meetings, I have observed the same recurring members of the public speak their minds: Eliminate sales tax. Legalize prostitution. You should all be fired. Free Uber for everyone.
What I did not notice was that each regular was quite savvy in their presentations. All of them ended their appeal before the 3 minute mark. Even the guy in the clown suit.
Trying to kick in a door, I recently found myself standing in front of that microphone centered on a podium. Twenty seconds prior, I realized I had to cut my speech in half. Fast.
Forty seconds before that, the speaker ahead of me crossed his 3 minute mark and all hell broke loose. Earthquake? I looked for a desk to crawl under. Surely the apocalypse was nigh. This was not the terror of the Seven Trumpets, but an electronic explosion from Hell that no EDM DJ could ever spin. It was not a warning, but a total subjugation.
I thought timers were supposed to be gentle and forgiving. A friendly tap on the shoulder, a reminder to wrap it up with a few more paragraphs. Not. At. All.
The first half of the speech established my credibility, work history and my authority on the subject. Gone.
Without a sagacious preamble, I immediately leapt into "The arts and culture tourism demographic is the most sought after audience in the world. Why? Let me share recent..."
Immediately, I could see their eyes glazing over.
I'm afraid I might have given an overly impassioned plug for the Arts, like a breathless MFA grad student gasping for air. I should have been wearing the clown suit.
My soliloquy ended with a few seconds to spare.
When speaking of the arts, there is always a very, very good chance you will lose the majority.
If you wanna read the speech, click here, and skip down to the second half. Your eyes may glaze over. As a matter of fact, read it right before bed. It may be the best sleep of your life.
Art Report Today .com
